Christmas Jokes for Kids
60 funny Christmas jokes for kids, with the answers. Tap a joke to see the answer. Tap 🔊 and Peabody reads it to you. Silly, never mean.
Sixty jokes! Pick one, tap it, then go and groan at someone.
Santa jokes
Ho, ho, ho. And a few groans.
What do you call Santa when he takes a break?Tap for the answer
Santa Pause.
Where does Santa stay when he travels?Tap for the answer
At a ho-ho-hotel.
What is Santa's favorite kind of music?Tap for the answer
Wrap music.
Why does Santa go down the chimney?Tap for the answer
Because it soots him.
What do you call Santa at the South Pole?Tap for the answer
Lost.
What does Santa do in his garden?Tap for the answer
He hoes, hoes, hoes.
Who brings presents to baby sharks?Tap for the answer
Santa Jaws.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?Tap for the answer
A Christmas quacker.
What is Santa's dog called?Tap for the answer
Santa Paws.
What do you call someone who is afraid of chimneys?Tap for the answer
Claus-trophobic.
Reindeer jokes
Jokes that will sleigh you.
What do reindeer say before telling a joke?Tap for the answer
This one will sleigh you.
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?Tap for the answer
No eye deer.
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?Tap for the answer
Nothing. It was on the house.
What do reindeer hang on their trees?Tap for the answer
Horn-aments.
Why do reindeer wear fur coats?Tap for the answer
They would look silly in raincoats.
What is a reindeer's favorite game?Tap for the answer
Stable tennis.
Where do reindeer go to dance?Tap for the answer
To a snow ball.
Which reindeer has the worst manners?Tap for the answer
Rude-olph.
What do reindeer put on their toast?Tap for the answer
Jingle jam.
Snowman jokes
Cold outside, warm jokes.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?Tap for the answer
Frosted Flakes.
What do you call a snowman in July?Tap for the answer
A puddle.
Where do snowmen keep their money?Tap for the answer
In a snow bank.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?Tap for the answer
Ice caps.
How do snowmen get around?Tap for the answer
They ride an icicle.
What do you call a snowman with big muscles?Tap for the answer
The abdominal snowman.
How does a snowman lose weight?Tap for the answer
It waits for a sunny day.
What do snowmen call their children?Tap for the answer
Chill-dren.
What is a snowman's favorite drink?Tap for the answer
Iced tea.
Christmas tree jokes
Needles, lights and orna-mints.
What is a Christmas tree's favorite candy?Tap for the answer
Orna-mints.
Why was the Christmas tree bad at knitting?Tap for the answer
It kept dropping its needles.
What did one string of Christmas lights say to the other?Tap for the answer
You light up my life.
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?Tap for the answer
It needed a trim.
What is green, covered in lights, and goes ribbit?Tap for the answer
A Christmas tree frog.
What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?Tap for the answer
A pineapple.
What happens if you eat the decorations?Tap for the answer
You get tinsel-itis.
Why did the Christmas lights go to school?Tap for the answer
To get a little brighter.
Elf jokes
Small jokes. Very small jokes.
Why was the elf feeling sad?Tap for the answer
It had low elf-esteem.
What do elves learn first at school?Tap for the answer
The elf-abet.
What do you call an elf who sings?Tap for the answer
A wrapper.
What is an elf's favorite sport?Tap for the answer
North Pole vaulting.
What do elves do after school?Tap for the answer
Their gnome-work.
What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs?Tap for the answer
Anything you like. It can't hear you.
What is an elf's favorite kind of bread?Tap for the answer
Short-bread.
How many elves does it take to change a lightbulb?Tap for the answer
Ten. One to change it, nine to be the ladder.
Christmas food jokes
Cookies, candy canes and hot chocolate.
What is a gingerbread man's favorite part of the bed?Tap for the answer
The cookie sheet.
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?Tap for the answer
He was feeling crummy.
What is the one thing you should never eat at Christmas dinner?Tap for the answer
The tablecloth.
What is Santa's favorite sandwich?Tap for the answer
Peanut butter and jolly.
What kind of cake do you get at the North Pole?Tap for the answer
The kind with lots of frosting.
What did the gingerbread man put on his roof?Tap for the answer
Icing.
Why is hot chocolate the slowest drink?Tap for the answer
It is always marsh-mellow.
What is red and white and goes up and down?Tap for the answer
A candy cane in an elevator.
Christmas knock-knock jokes
Knock knock! Tap to hear who's there.
Knock knock!Who's there?Mary.Tap for the answer
Mary who?Mary Christmas and a happy new year!
Knock knock!Who's there?Snow.Tap for the answer
Snow who?Snow use asking. I'm not telling you.
Knock knock!Who's there?Hanna.Tap for the answer
Hanna who?Hanna partridge in a pear tree!
Knock knock!Who's there?Donut.Tap for the answer
Donut who?Donut open this one till Christmas!
Knock knock!Who's there?Ho ho.Tap for the answer
Ho ho who?Your Santa impression needs some work.
Knock knock!Who's there?Elf.Tap for the answer
Elf who?Elf me wrap these presents and I'll tell you.
Knock knock!Who's there?Pudding.Tap for the answer
Pudding who?Pudding up the tree is the best bit.
Knock knock!Who's there?Yule.Tap for the answer
Yule who?Yule never guess what I got you!
Make your own crackers, without the bang
A cracker joke is a joke somebody has to read out to the whole table, which is why they are written to be groaned at rather than laughed at. You can make the paper part at home in about ten minutes, and you do not need the snapping strip.
Save a cardboard tube for each person. Write one joke from this page on a strip of paper, roll it up and drop it in, with a paper hat and something small if you want one. Wrap the tube in a rectangle of paper so there is a good handspan of spare paper poking out at each end, then tie those ends with wool. To open it, two people pull. It will not bang, and nothing in it can catch on anything, which is the whole idea.
The hat is a strip of tissue paper long enough to go round a head with an overlap, taped into a ring. Make it a bit loose. Everyone has to wear theirs for the whole meal, including grown-ups, and especially whoever complains most.
How to tell a joke so people laugh
The trick is the waiting. Say the question, then stop. Count two whole seconds while everybody thinks. Then say the answer, a bit louder than the question.
Pick three jokes you really like rather than trying to tell all sixty. Three is enough for a whole table, and you will remember them without looking at the page. If a joke does not land, say “I have a better one” and go straight on to the next. Every comedian does this.
The knock-knock ones need somebody else, so teach a grown-up their two lines first: they say “Who's there?” and then the name back with “who?” on the end. Younger brothers and sisters are extremely good at this and will do it twenty times in a row.
For grown-ups
- What age are these jokes for?
- About 4 to 11. Every one is short enough for a five-year-old to remember and retell, and the answer is a single line. Children who cannot read yet can tap the speaker and hear it, so they can join in too.
- How does the page work?
- Tap a joke and the answer opens underneath. Tap the speaker and Peabody reads it out: the question first, and the answer only once the joke is open, so nothing is spoiled early.
- Will any of these jokes spoil Santa for my child?
- No. Peabody leaves that question entirely to you: no joke here touches whether he is, only what he gets up to. Plenty of the children reading this page still believe, and it is their family's answer to give, nobody else's.
- Are they kind jokes?
- Yes. Nothing is mean about anybody, and nothing here scores a child: no list of who has been good, which Peabody keeps off the whole site.
- Can we use these as cracker jokes?
- That is exactly what they are for. Print the page, cut the questions into strips, and put one in each cracker or napkin. The groan is the point.
- Is it free?
- Yes. Free, with no ads and no sign-up.