New Year's Jokes for Kids
40 funny New Year's jokes for kids, with the answers. Tap a joke to see the answer. Tap 🔊 and Peabody reads it to you. Good for the countdown, and for the long wait before it.
Forty jokes! That's one for every minute you have to stay awake. Nearly.
Countdown and clock jokes
Ten, nine, eight… groan.
Why did the clock get sent to its room on New Year's Eve?Tap for the answer
It kept tocking back.
What does a clock do when it's hungry?Tap for the answer
It goes back four seconds.
Why was the clock so tired on January first?Tap for the answer
It worked around the clock.
What did one clock hand say to the other at midnight?Tap for the answer
Meet you at the top!
Why do people count down from ten?Tap for the answer
Counting up to infinity takes too long.
What is a clock's favorite part of the countdown?Tap for the answer
The second it ends.
Why did the clock join the band?Tap for the answer
It had great timing.
What did the alarm clock say on New Year's Day?Tap for the answer
Ring in the new year!
Calendar jokes
Their days are numbered.
Why was the calendar so nervous on December 31st?Tap for the answer
Its days were numbered.
What did the new calendar say to the old one?Tap for the answer
Your time is up, mine is just starting.
Why do calendars always have plans?Tap for the answer
They have a lot of dates.
What is a calendar's favorite food?Tap for the answer
Dates.
How does a calendar feel on January first?Tap for the answer
Like a whole new page.
Why did the calendar go to the doctor?Tap for the answer
It had a bad case of the Mondays.
Which month is the shortest?Tap for the answer
May. It only has three letters.
Why did everyone look at the calendar in January?Tap for the answer
It was brand new.
Staying-up-late jokes
For everyone who made it to midnight. And everyone who didn't.
Why did the owl love New Year's Eve?Tap for the answer
Staying up late is what owls do best.
What do sleepy kids say at 11:59?Tap for the answer
Wake me in one minute.
What did the moon say at midnight?Tap for the answer
I've been up all night, too.
Why did the snowman stay up for midnight?Tap for the answer
He didn't want to miss the chill.
Why do penguins never stay up for New Year's?Tap for the answer
They're already cool enough.
What did the pillow say at midnight?Tap for the answer
I'll be waiting for you.
What is the best thing to put on at midnight?Tap for the answer
Your pajamas.
Why did the sleepy baby clap at midnight?Tap for the answer
To keep its hands awake.
New Year's promise jokes
Starting fresh. Starting silly.
What did the broom promise for the new year?Tap for the answer
To make a clean sweep.
What was the pencil's New Year's promise?Tap for the answer
To get to the point.
What did the bicycle promise this year?Tap for the answer
To stop being two-tired.
What did the light bulb promise in January?Tap for the answer
To be brighter.
What did the cat promise for the new year?Tap for the answer
To be purr-fect. Again.
What was the snail's New Year's promise?Tap for the answer
To speed things up a bit.
What did the dog promise in January?Tap for the answer
To stop barking up the wrong tree.
Why did the book make a promise on New Year's Day?Tap for the answer
It wanted to turn over a new leaf.
New Year's knock-knock jokes
Knock knock! Tap to hear who's there.
Knock knock!Who's there?Owl.Tap for the answer
Owl who?Owl see you next year!
Knock knock!Who's there?Annie.Tap for the answer
Annie who?Annie body want to count down with me?
Knock knock!Who's there?Wooden.Tap for the answer
Wooden who?Wooden it be fun to stay up till midnight?
Knock knock!Who's there?Justin.Tap for the answer
Justin who?Justin time for the countdown!
Knock knock!Who's there?Ice cream.Tap for the answer
Ice cream who?Ice cream at midnight. Every year!
Knock knock!Who's there?Lettuce.Tap for the answer
Lettuce who?Lettuce count down together: ten, nine, eight…
Knock knock!Who's there?Dewey.Tap for the answer
Dewey who?Dewey have to wait till midnight?
Knock knock!Who's there?Water.Tap for the answer
Water who?Water you doing still awake?
A joke countdown
Here is a way to make the last ten minutes of the year go faster. Pick ten jokes from this page before the evening starts, and write each one on a slip of paper with its number, ten down to one. Fold the slips and put them in a bowl.
At ten minutes to midnight, somebody draws slip number ten and reads it out. Nine minutes to go: slip nine. Keep going until the last joke, then count the final ten seconds out loud together. If the family is counting down early, at bedtime or at noon, the same game works at any hour: it is the counting that makes it feel like midnight.
How to tell a joke so people laugh
Say the question, then wait. Two whole seconds feels like a long time, and that is what makes the answer land. Then say the answer a little louder than the question, and look at the person you are telling it to.
Learn three jokes, not forty. Three is plenty for a whole room, and you can tell them without looking. If one gets a groan instead of a laugh, that counts. A New Year's joke that makes everyone groan at the same moment is doing its job.
Knock-knock jokes need a partner. Teach a grown-up their two lines first: “Who's there?” and then the name back with “who?” on the end. Then you can do all eight in a row.
For grown-ups
- What age are these jokes for?
- About 4 to 11. Each one is short enough for a five-year-old to remember and retell, and the answer is a single line. Children who can't read yet can tap the speaker and hear it, so they can join in too.
- How does the page work?
- Tap a joke and the answer opens underneath. Tap the speaker and Peabody reads it out: the question first, and the answer only once the joke is open, so nothing is spoiled early.
- Is there anything about fireworks or drinks?
- No. These jokes are about clocks, calendars, staying up late and New Year's promises. Fireworks are for grown-ups and professionals, and Peabody keeps them out of anything that could make them look like a toy.
- What if my child can't stay up until midnight?
- Plenty of families count down at bedtime, or at noon, and call it midnight. The jokes work at any hour, and so does the countdown.
- Is it free?
- Yes. Free, with no ads and no sign-up.