Friends sometimes fight. Being friends does not mean you will never argue. Young children often argue over things, such as who gets to use a toy, or when one friend refuses to share. Everyone gets angry sometimes. Anger is a very strong feeling when it happens, but it does not usually last a long time. Using words to say how you feel helps people handle strong feelings, and talking about your feelings with someone you trust can help too.

If a fight gets heated, you can take a break and talk again when you have cooled off. Taking a break to cool down is not a punishment. It helps you calm down before you talk again. In a fair argument, both people get to say what is on their mind without being judged, mocked or insulted. Each person also gets to share feelings. Experts say not to call a friend names during an argument.

Listening to your friend without cutting in helps. Your friend may just want to be heard. Active listening means paying full attention and showing interest, for example by making eye contact and nodding. Watching a friend's face, body language and tone of voice can also help you see how they feel. Instead of blaming, say how you felt and what happened, such as "I felt sad when this happened." This helps the other person listen.

Saying you are sorry is a good way to make up with a friend. To say sorry well, first work out what happened and how the other person feels. A real apology starts with understanding how the other person feels. This is called empathy. Empathy means understanding and sharing what another person feels. Saying sorry means taking responsibility for what you did, even if it was an accident. A good apology includes thinking about what to do differently next time.

An apology is more than saying the words. It is about repairing the connection with the other person. Saying sorry is a first step. Helping to make things better shows you care. For children, both kind words and actions that help fix things make a difference after someone is upset. Children as young as four understand that an apology can make someone who is upset feel better.

In one study, children who got an apology from a child who failed to share felt better and thought that child was nicer. In another study, children who got an apology after someone knocked over their tower shared more stickers with that person than children who got none. A forced apology often feels empty. Kids may need time before they can truly say they are sorry.

Sorry is not always the right word. Saying it too much can make it mean less. You do not have to say sorry for refusing to do something unsafe. Forgiveness cannot be rushed, and a person who says sorry should not expect to be forgiven right away. Disagreeing can be a sign of a healthy friendship if people are respectful, and working through a fight can even make a friendship stronger. Getting good at making up takes time and practice.

Imagining the fight from your friend's side can help you let go of anger, apologize or compromise. Sometimes friends can agree to disagree and keep being friends. Making up can be simple: be kind to your friend and do something fun together. A fight with a friend does not have to be the end of the friendship. If a grown-up hurts you or makes you feel unsafe, tell another grown-up you trust. If the first one does not help, keep telling until someone does. A grown-up you trust can help.

Words to know

• empathy: understanding feelings
• apology: repairing connection
• responsibility: owning your actions
• unsafe: not safe