Utah State University Extension says conflicts are a natural part of human interaction. In a Kids Helpline survey, 84% of respondents said they had fought with their closest friends or had trouble getting along at times, as of November 2026. Brett Laursen and Gwen Pursell of Florida Atlantic University found that preschool and young elementary school friends average almost three conflicts per hour. Friends actually argue more than nonfriends, probably because they spend more time together and feel more comfortable giving opinions. Their conflicts are generally less intense and more likely to be resolved.

Friends sometimes fight. Being friends does not mean you will never argue. Everyone gets angry sometimes. Anger is a very strong feeling, but it does not usually last a long time. Conflict often leads to overwhelming emotional and physical feelings that can make it hard to reason and think clearly. When someone is very angry, their heart beats faster and their face may feel hot and sweaty. Taking a time out can help with solving problems. Putting into words what is making you upset helps you act rather than react. KidsHealth describes a problem-solving approach to anger: start with the problem, weigh your choices and decide what to do.

Research by Laursen and colleagues shows that children most often resolve conflicts by being apart for a little while to let tempers cool, and then trying again. If a fight gets heated, you can take a break and talk again when you have cooled off. Taking a break to cool down is not a punishment. It helps you calm down before you talk again. If there is more to say after a fight, Kids Help Phone suggests meeting somewhere neutral and talking about it calmly. After calming down, it helps to think about how you feel and what happened, including what part you may have played.

Active listening means paying full attention and showing interest, for example by making eye contact and nodding. Active listening includes summing up what the other person said, such as "What I hear you saying is..." or "It sounds like..." Psychologists call the skill of stepping outside your own viewpoint to see how the world looks to another person "perspective taking." Perspective taking is a challenge that people need to practice from the time they are young. Describing a friend's point of view can help a child move past explanations such as "He's just mean!" Giving a genuine apology can be hard for some kids, who may find it hard to see things from another person's point of view.

In a fair argument, both people get to say what is on their mind without being judged, mocked or insulted. Each person also gets to share feelings. Experts say not to call a friend names during an argument. Instead of blaming the other person, say how you felt and what happened, such as "I felt sad when this happened." This helps the other person listen. To settle a fight, it helps to say plainly what you want the friend to do from now on. Imagining the fight from your friend's side can help you let go of anger, apologize or compromise.

The psychiatrist Aaron Lazare found that an effective apology has up to four parts, though not every apology needs all four. A real apology starts with understanding how the other person feels. This is called empathy. A genuine apology includes accepting your role: not only that something bad happened, but that you were responsible for it. Saying "I made a mistake" is more effective than "Mistakes were made," which fails to say who is responsible. Offering to help fix a problem lets other people know you care and want them to feel better. A person who apologizes has to accept that the other person has the right to be unhappy with them for a while.

In one study, children who got an apology from a child who failed to share felt better and thought that child was nicer. In a study, children who got an apology after someone knocked over their tower shared more stickers with that person than children who got none. A developmental psychologist's research suggests that by age four children respond positively to transgressors who explicitly apologize, and by five to those who show remorse. Children as young as four understand that an apology can make someone who is upset feel better. Apologizing is an important step toward forgiveness and reconciliation, but not all apologies are equally effective.

A forced apology often feels empty. Forgiveness cannot be rushed, and a person who says sorry should not expect to be forgiven right away. Forgiving someone does not mean forgetting what happened. In one psychologist's definition, forgiveness means replacing negative feelings about a person who did wrong with positive ones. A Greater Good Science Center writer says a damaged relationship is not repaired by ignoring it. Bright Horizons, a child care organization, says children are often much quicker to forgive than adults, and can go from angry to best friends again quickly. Sometimes friends can agree to disagree and keep being friends. Disagreeing can be a sign of a healthy friendship if people are respectful. Getting good at making up takes time and practice. If a grown-up hurts you or makes you feel unsafe, tell another grown-up you trust. If the first one does not help, keep telling until someone does. A grown-up you trust can help.

Words to know

• empathy: understanding feelings
• perspective: point of view
• remorse: deep regret
• forgiveness: letting anger go
• genuine: real