Peer pressure is the feeling of being pushed by friends or classmates to think, look or act a certain way. Harvard psychologist Nancy Hill explains that it is not only an outside force. It can also be an internal force. That force is spurred by a desire to belong, so a person may do something that no one asked them to do. Some experts say that "peer influence" is a better term than "peer pressure". It describes how teenagers' behavior is shaped by wanting to feel they belong to a group. It is not always about doing something against your will.

Social worker Emma Petree says peer pressure gets really intense around the start of middle school. That is when a child's social circle moves to the forefront of their decision-making. Many young people struggle to understand how their peers see them. They worry about being rejected if they do not fit in. People who are low on confidence, or who tend to follow rather than lead, could be more likely to seek their peers' approval by giving in to a risky challenge. Responding to peer pressure is part of human nature. Some people are more likely to give in. Others are better able to resist and stand their ground.

When people are unsure what to do in a social situation, they naturally look to others for cues about what is acceptable. Pressure can spread through a group. The people most easily influenced follow first. Then others go along, thinking "everyone else is doing it, so they must know what they're doing." Extension specialists point out that most peers are typically not making unhealthy choices. So "everyone is doing it" is often not true. In 1951 psychologist Solomon Asch set up a simple test. People judged which of three lines matched a target line. The answer was always obvious.

Even young children often act differently in a group without grown-ups around than their parents expect. So pressure is not only a teen thing. Fitting in with friends is important during the teen years. So being influenced by others is completely normal. Sometimes people are even influenced to do good things like helping others. Peer influence can be positive. It can push teens to become more assertive, try new activities or get more involved with school. Prosocial behavior means actions meant to benefit others, such as volunteering, donating and sharing. Research shows adolescents also copy the prosocial behavior of their peers.

Even peers you have never met can be role models. It might be someone your age who competes in a sport, plays a concert or leads a community project. Peers can be close friends, or other kids you know, like classmates and teammates. Peers often give each other good advice. Friends are quick to say when they think you are making a mistake. Being in a peer group gives young people practice with social skills, like making new friends, building relationships and working out differences. Often it takes just one person to speak out or do something different to change a situation. Friends may follow.

Hill says kids will always want to fit in with peers. So the useful question is what they are fitting into and whether it helps them or derails them. It helps to deal with peer pressure before it happens. That means talking through possible scenarios and role-playing what to say. Hill suggests practicing scenarios where a feeling might be tested and helping a young person think through a response that feels natural to them. Kids do not always know what to say, or how to say no and keep a friend. So practicing the words at home helps. Kids who feel good about themselves can usually make a decision and stick with it, even when friends say otherwise.

Experts say it helps to explain values, and not only say "don't do this". Then young people can make decisions for themselves and feel independent. Friend groups usually form around things kids already share, like interests, sports, activities, classes or neighborhoods. Dressing like friends or liking the same music does not by itself mean a kid will do risky things. A young person is more likely to ask a trusted adult for help if they know they will not get into trouble for asking. So adults are advised to praise the choice to ask. A parent or other adult can step in when peer pressure gets too hard for a kid to handle. A grown-up you trust can help.

Words to know

• influence: a pull
• assertive: speaking up
• prosocial: helping others
• cues: hints
• scenarios: made-up situations