Self-esteem means feeling good about yourself: people with it feel liked and accepted, are proud of what they do, and believe in themselves; it comes from several places: the people around you, the voice in your own head, and learning to do things. Feeling good about yourself starts when you feel safe, loved and cared for by grown-ups; when adults are patient with mistakes, kids learn to accept themselves, while harsh words can stick and become part of how a person thinks about themselves. Self-esteem often involves comparing yourself to others. Greater Good reports that too much of this can lead to narcissism and avoiding chances to grow.

Kids who feel good about themselves have the confidence to try new things, and learning new things can build that confidence; each thing you learn and do is a chance to feel good about yourself, even when it is new and not perfect. Paying attention to what you do well and enjoy, and having chances to build those strengths, helps as well; setting a goal, making a plan, and tracking your progress can help you feel good about what you have done so far. The National Health Service in the United Kingdom says learning new skills can build a sense of purpose, boost self-confidence and help you connect with others; as of October 2026 the National Health Service lists five steps for wellbeing: connect with other people, be physically active, learn new skills, help other people, and pay attention to the present moment. The capabilities that underlie resilience can be strengthened at any age.

In one study, fifth graders praised for being smart did worse after failing than those praised for effort or not praised; they were more likely to blame things other than ability and to give themselves excuses. Praising ability can put children in a fixed mindset, while praising effort tends to put them in a growth mindset; effort praise leads children to focus on the process of work and the development of learning skills, leading to greater persistence after setbacks. Praise also feels real when it is honest and fits what happened; modest praise ("You did well!") acknowledges performance without raising the bar; inflated praise ("You did incredibly well!") sets a higher standard for next time.

People who think abilities can grow tend to see effort as something that helps them learn and see setbacks as chances to build new skills; a fixed mindset can lead people to avoid challenges, because they think that having to work hard or making mistakes means they are not able. No one has a purely fixed or purely growth mindset; most people hold some of each; the growth mindset lessons use a metaphor: the brain is like a muscle that grows stronger and smarter when it does rigorous learning. In a Michigan State University study of 25 college students, those with a growth mindset showed stronger brain responses to their own mistakes than those with a fixed mindset; in that study, the stronger brain response to errors went with doing better right afterward, which suggests growth-mindset students processed mistakes more deeply and corrected them right away.

In a nationally representative US study of 12,000 ninth graders in 65 schools, a 45-minute online growth mindset session cut fixed-mindset beliefs. In that national study, the lower-achieving students who got the growth mindset lesson saw their grades rise, and students at all achievement levels were more likely to take advanced math the next year; researchers also found that when growth mindset is taught alongside a supportive school culture, it is more likely to take root.

Treating yourself the way you would treat a friend who is struggling is called self-compassion; self-compassion means being kind and understanding with yourself when you struggle or make a mistake, instead of harshly criticizing yourself. A researcher named Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as three parts: treating yourself with kindness rather than judgment, being mindful of your own painful feelings, and understanding that suffering is part of being human; some teens worry that being kind to themselves will take away their motivation to do their schoolwork. Self-compassion researchers say being kind to yourself is a more effective motivator than harsh self-criticism, because we try to achieve out of care for ourselves, not to avoid self-judgment; in a study of middle and high school students, self-compassion was linked to higher life satisfaction and lower perceived stress and negative feeling. A 2015 journal commentary argued that some questions on a popular self-compassion scale may inflate its apparent link with difficulties in youth, so researchers still debate how best to measure it in young people.

Being kind to yourself is not a magic fix, but it can ease everyday difficulties, and it is a better motivator than harsh self-criticism; in a study of over 2,000 ninth graders, students with low self-esteem who were kind to themselves did better a year later on well-being measures than students with low self-esteem who were not. In research, the usual way to prompt self-compassion is to ask people to write three short paragraphs about a struggle: one noticing the pain, one about how others share such struggles, and one with warmth and kindness for themselves; a self-compassion break can be done by talking yourself through three steps, silently or out loud, and with repeatable phrases it takes less than a minute. A 2015 Greater Good report said one survey of teens could not determine the causal direction of the links it found between self-compassion and well-being.

The things you say to yourself in your mind play a big part in how you feel about yourself; a way to check your self-talk is to ask whether you would say the same thing to a good friend. When you hear yourself think "I'll never make friends," the KidsHealth teen guide suggests rewriting the thought in a way that is true, fair and kind; for a few days you can write down what you say to yourself, then rewrite the harsh lines the way you would say them to a good friend. A KidsHealth example: instead of "Missing those questions on the test was so stupid," try "Maybe I can try a different study technique, like flash cards, and do better next time." When you feel stuck on a hard thing, noticing what went well can help balance out what went wrong; a mistake is part of trying, and you can try again and keep getting better. Thinking you have to be perfect makes it hard to feel good about anything less, so it helps to accept your best.

Over four weeks, 9- to 11-year-olds in 19 Vancouver classrooms were asked to do three acts of kindness each week, compared with others who were asked to visit three places each week; in the Vancouver study, kids chose what counted as a kind act; the researchers only gave examples. In that study, students who did kind acts gained more in how much classmates accepted them than students who only listed pleasant places they visited; the authors of the Vancouver study described it as the first longitudinal experiment to prompt preteens to do a simple kind act and measure the change in peer acceptance. Researchers explain that peer acceptance matters because it is related to academic and social outcomes, including a lower chance of being bullied; researchers also note that kind acts can help classmates accept you, and being happy, kind and well liked tend to go together.

Gratitude means noticing the good things in the world and the gifts you have received from others; gratitude is a quality people can cultivate: it may feel forced at first but grows stronger with use and practice. In a 10-week study, people who wrote each week about things they were grateful for were more optimistic and felt better about their lives than people who wrote about daily irritations. Psychologist Martin Seligman tested positive activities on 411 people: writing and delivering a gratitude letter to someone who was never properly thanked brought a big, immediate rise in happiness scores that lasted about a month. Researchers warn that studies such as the Seligman gratitude-letter experiment cannot prove cause and effect, though most studies published on gratitude support a link with well-being.

Kids aged 6 to 12 need about 9 to 12 hours of sleep each night, as of November 2026; regular sleep loss often leads to irritability and difficulty concentrating, and teens need more sleep, not less. Moving your body, like walking or running, can help lift your mood; paying attention to the present moment, sometimes called mindfulness, can help you enjoy life more and understand yourself better. Experts recommend that children and teens ages 6 through 17 get 60 minutes or more of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity daily, as of November 2026; in a Harvard Center on the Developing Child guide, learning to cope with manageable stress, called positive stress, is described as critical for developing resilience.

The National Institute of Mental Health suggests reaching out to friends or family members who help you cope in a positive way; if a person feels they must never make any mistakes, the KidsHealth teen guide suggests asking a trusted adult, like a parent or teacher, for help. A grown-up you trust can help.

Words to know

• mindset: way of thinking
• narcissism: too much self-love
• longitudinal: over time
• resilience: bouncing back
• causal: cause-and-effect