Self-esteem means feeling good about yourself. People with it feel liked and accepted, are proud of what they do, and believe in themselves. It comes from several places: the people around you, the voice in your own head, and learning to do things.

Feeling good about yourself starts when you feel safe, loved and cared for by grown-ups. When adults are patient with mistakes, kids learn to accept themselves. Harsh words can stick and become part of how a person thinks about themselves. Self-esteem also grows when kids see that what they do matters to others.

Challenges that are not too easy and not too hard, and that let kids try on their own even if they make mistakes, help self-esteem grow. So does paying attention to what you do well and enjoy, and having chances to build those strengths. Each thing you learn and do is a chance to feel good about yourself, even when it is new and not perfect. Kids need chances to learn, try and feel proud.

In one study, fifth graders praised for being smart did worse after failing than those praised for effort or not praised. They were more likely to blame things other than ability and to give themselves excuses. Praise feels real when it is honest and fits what happened.

People who think abilities can grow tend to see effort as something that helps them learn and see setbacks as chances to build new skills. A fixed mindset can lead people to avoid challenges. They think that having to work hard or making mistakes means they are not able. No one has a purely fixed or purely growth mindset; most people hold some of each. The growth mindset lessons use a metaphor: the brain is like a muscle that grows stronger and smarter when it does rigorous learning.

In a Michigan State University study of 25 college students, those with a growth mindset showed stronger brain responses to their own mistakes than those with a fixed mindset. In that study, the stronger brain response to errors went with doing better right afterward, which suggests growth-mindset students processed mistakes more deeply and corrected them right away. Researchers found that when growth mindset is taught alongside a supportive school culture, it is more likely to take root.

The things you say to yourself in your mind play a big part in how you feel about yourself. A way to check your self-talk is to ask whether you would say the same thing to a good friend. For a few days you can write down what you say to yourself, then rewrite the harsh lines the way you would say them to a good friend. A KidsHealth example: instead of "Missing those questions on the test was so stupid," try "Maybe I can try a different study technique, like flash cards, and do better next time."

A researcher named Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as three parts: treating yourself with kindness rather than judgment, being mindful of your own painful feelings, and understanding that suffering is part of being human. When we struggle or make mistakes we often feel alone, as if we were the only one, but struggling is part of being human. Some teens worry that being kind to themselves will take away their motivation to do their schoolwork. Self-compassion researchers say being kind to yourself is a more effective motivator than harsh self-criticism. We try to achieve out of care for ourselves, not to avoid self-judgment.

In a study of middle and high school students, self-compassion was linked to higher life satisfaction and lower perceived stress. In research, the usual way to prompt self-compassion is to ask people to write three short paragraphs about a struggle: one noticing the pain, one about how others share such struggles, and one with warmth and kindness for themselves. A self-compassion break can be done by talking yourself through three steps, silently or out loud, and with repeatable phrases it takes less than a minute.

Over four weeks, 9- to 11-year-olds in 19 Vancouver classrooms were asked to do three acts of kindness each week, compared with others who were asked to visit three places each week. Students who did kind acts gained more in how much classmates accepted them than students who only listed pleasant places they visited. Kids chose what counted as a kind act; the researchers only gave examples. Peer acceptance matters because it is related to academic and social outcomes, including a lower chance of being bullied.

Gratitude has two parts: noticing that there is goodness in the world, and recognizing that its sources are outside ourselves, in other people. In a 10-week study, people who wrote each week about things they were grateful for were more optimistic and felt better about their lives than people who wrote about daily irritations. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. Gratitude researcher Robert Emmons writes that gratitude can help people cope with hard times, not just celebrate good ones.

Sleep affects alertness, attention, mood, resilience, and learning and memory in children, and research links it with happiness too. Children who get enough sleep tend to have better school performance, behavior and memory, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. Experts recommend that children and teens ages 6 through 17 get 60 minutes or more of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity daily, as of November 2026.

If a person feels they must never make any mistakes, the KidsHealth teen guide suggests asking a trusted adult, like a parent or teacher, for help. A grown-up you trust can help.

Words to know

• mindset: way of thinking
• gratitude: thankful noticing
• compassion: warm kindness
• resilience: bouncing back
• optimistic: hopeful