Self-esteem means feeling good about yourself. People with it feel liked and accepted, are proud of what they do, and believe in themselves. Self-esteem comes from several places: the people around you, the voice in your own head, and learning to do things. It starts when you feel safe, loved and cared for by grown-ups.

When adults are patient with mistakes, kids learn to accept themselves. Harsh words can stick and become part of how a person thinks about themselves. Kids feel good when people notice how hard they tried and how much they have improved, not only whether they won. One study looked at fifth graders. The fifth graders praised for being smart did worse after failing than those praised for effort or not praised. They were more likely to blame things other than ability and to give themselves excuses. Praise feels real when it is honest and fits what happened.

Some kinds of challenge help self-esteem grow. Challenges that are not too easy and not too hard help, and so does a chance to try on your own even if you make mistakes. Paying attention to what you do well and enjoy helps too, with chances to build those strengths. Self-esteem grows when kids see that what they do matters to others.

Self-esteem can grow when kids make progress toward a goal, make friends, do favorite activities, help, give or be kind, and feel understood and accepted. Each thing you learn and do is a chance to feel good about yourself, even when it is new and not perfect. The NHS says learning new skills can build a sense of purpose, boost self-confidence and help you connect with others.

The things you say to yourself in your mind play a big part in how you feel about yourself. A way to check your self-talk is to ask whether you would say the same thing to a good friend. The KidsHealth teen guide suggests rewriting a thought like 'I'll never make friends' in a way that is true, fair and kind. One way to be kinder to yourself: for a few days write down what you say to yourself, then rewrite the harsh lines the way you would say them to a good friend.

A researcher named Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as three parts: treating yourself with kindness rather than judgment, being mindful of your own painful feelings, and understanding that suffering is part of being human. Another way to say the three parts is mindfulness, common humanity and kindness. Self-compassion means being kind and understanding with yourself when you struggle or make a mistake, instead of harshly criticizing yourself.

Thinking you have to be perfect makes it hard to feel good about anything less, so it helps to accept your best. No one is perfect, so you do not have to be perfect to feel good about yourself. A mistake is part of trying, and you can try again and keep getting better. If a person feels they must never make any mistakes, the KidsHealth teen guide suggests asking a trusted adult, like a parent or teacher, for help.

Being kind and helping other people can make you feel good. In one study of kids ages 9 to 11, students who did kind acts for four weeks gained more in how much classmates accepted them than students who only listed pleasant places they visited. In the study, 9- to 11-year-olds in 19 Vancouver classrooms were asked to do three acts of kindness each week. Others were asked to visit three places each week. Kind acts can help classmates accept you, and being happy, kind and well liked tend to go together.

Gratitude means noticing the good things in the world and the gifts you have received from others. Gratitude helps strengthen relationships, because it makes us notice how other people have supported us. Gratitude is a quality people can cultivate: it may feel forced at first but grows stronger with use and practice. Thinking of three good things that happened today, for example before bed, helps you notice more of the good in your life.

Getting enough sleep helps kids feel and behave better the next day. Kids aged 6 to 12 need about 9 to 12 hours of sleep each night, as of November 2026. A good sleep routine, with a regular bedtime, helps kids ease into a good night's sleep. Experts recommend that children and teens ages 6 through 17 get 60 minutes or more of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity daily, as of November 2026.

Good friends are people you can be yourself with, and they help you feel OK about who you are. Good friends treat you well, and good friendships can help you feel you belong. Feeling good about yourself starts when you feel safe, loved and cared for by grown-ups. A grown-up you trust can help.

Words to know

• cultivate: grow with care
• mindful: paying attention
• effort: hard trying
• accepted: welcomed