Feeling connected to other people is a basic need that everyone has, and people are social by nature. Kids feel less lonely when they have close, positive relationships. Kids also feel less lonely when they feel part of a family, a friendship or a community.

Children start to build friendships around ages 3 to 5. By age 4, most children can tell the difference between a friend and the other children they know. Toddlers watch each other and play side by side first. Later, children play together, share ideas and build on each other's play. Many friendships begin when children play together.

Good friends listen to each other, and they show they are interested in what the other says. Active listening means showing you are paying attention. First, look at the person and face them. Next, stay quiet while they talk, and do not talk over them. Then answer in a way that fits what they said. These steps are what active listening means. Each one shows the other person that you are paying attention to them. Friends take turns when they play together. Friends share.

Feeling nervous or shy around new people is common, especially when you are not sure what to do or how others will react. Some children are quick to join in, and others take more time to warm up to new people and places. Taking small steps, one at a time, helps a person feel more comfortable. Visiting a new place ahead of time can make meeting new people easier. So can arriving early before it gets busy.

A way to start a friendship is to say hello. You can also smile. You can be friendly too. Playing with just one or two others is an easy way to start. It helps to be in a place that feels comfortable, such as at home. Before joining a game, it helps to watch for a moment. Watch what the other kids are doing. Then you can ask someone if you can play with them. When two people like the same things, they have more to talk about, so a shared interest is an easy way to start.

After you talk with someone new, the other person usually likes you. They also enjoy your company. They like you more than you think they do.

Some children play with lots of others, some have one or two playmates, and some like to play on their own. All of these are common. Some people are happiest with a few really close friends rather than lots of casual ones. Most children need only one or two good friends, not a crowd. Close friends help you feel that you belong.

Friendships change as people grow, and some friends drift apart, but some friendships last a whole life. Friends sometimes disagree or get angry with each other. Talking about feelings helps. Knowing how to solve a disagreement peacefully matters for friendship. Adults can teach steps for this. One step is naming the problem, and another step is cooling off. Putting away a special toy that is hard to share can stop arguments when friends come to play.

If someone does not want to play right now, that is okay. If someone does not want to be friends right now, that is okay too. You can find something else to do, and there will be other chances. Making friends is something people learn. It gets easier with practice. A parent, teacher or other trusted grown-up can help you decide whether someone might make a good friend. A grown-up you trust can help.

Words to know

• social: liking company
• community: group of people
• listening: paying attention
• disagreement: different views