How good your friendships are counts more than how many friends you have. Some people are happiest with a few really close friends rather than lots of casual ones, and most children need only one or two good friends. Friendships also lay the groundwork for lifelong skills, such as listening, solving problems and getting along with others. Friends help you feel good about yourself.

To be a trusted friend, show up on time, do what you say you will do, and keep what friends tell you private. Kind matters even more than liking the same things. Close friends help you feel that you belong.

Being a good listener means asking what is going on in a friend's life and letting them know you hear them. Active listening also means showing you are paying attention: look at the person, face them, stay quiet while they talk, and answer in a way that fits what they said.

Sharing about yourself, and your feelings, helps friends feel close to you. Friends like to talk about their favorite things, so asking someone what they like to do keeps a conversation going. A kind compliment is also a friendly way to start talking to someone new. Friends take turns and share.

Friendship takes time together. You cannot make a friend in an instant, so try to see new friends often and check in with them in between. The more people you meet and the more you try, the more likely you are to make a new friend. School clubs, sports teams and music groups are good places to start. Some children are quick to join in, and others take more time to warm up to new people and places.

Feeling nervous or shy around new people is common, especially when you are not sure what to do or how others will react. Taking small steps, one at a time, helps a person feel more comfortable. Visiting a new place ahead of time, or arriving early before it gets busy, can make meeting new people easier. Before joining a game, it helps to watch for a moment what the other kids are doing.

After you talk with someone new, the other person usually likes you and enjoys your company more than you think they do. Being quiet is not always the same as being shy.

Friendships need effort to keep going. Without it, friends can drift apart. Friendships change as people grow, and some friends drift apart, but some friendships last a whole life. Friends also sometimes disagree or get angry with each other. Knowing how to solve a disagreement peacefully matters, and steps such as naming the problem and cooling off can help.

If someone does not want to play or be friends right now, that is okay. You can find something else to do, and there will be other chances. Making friends is not a magic trick. It is something people learn, and it gets easier with practice. A parent, teacher or other trusted grown-up can help you decide whether someone might make a good friend. A grown-up you trust can help.

Words to know

• trusted: reliable
• casual: not close
• effort: hard work
• private: not shared