When a pet dies, its body stops working and does not start again, and people have long found ways to mark the loss. In London, a small pet cemetery sits in the garden behind Victoria Lodge in Hyde Park, where Victorians buried their pets; it was founded in 1880 and was started by the gatekeeper of Victoria Lodge, Mr. Winbridge. In 1893, The Strand Magazine published his account of how word of it passed from one pet owner to another. More than 1,000 dogs and cats are buried there, as of October 2023; the first dog buried there was a Maltese terrier named Cherry. Cherry was adored by the family's children, who put on plays in which Cherry took part, once dressed as a soldier. In the early years the first patrons included well-off families from grand houses near the park; it was a mark of sophistication to say you had buried your pet in a royal park.
The garden also appears briefly in the Peter Pan stories by J. M. Barrie, who lived close by. The headstones carry short messages. One reads "Poor dear Tappy." Another, for a dog named Zoe, says she was "As deeply mourned as ever dog was mourned." A headstone remembers a dog named Topsy as "the faithful friend" of a family for over 15 years; after the family dog Zoe died in 1892, the owner wrote a funny make-believe life story of her to comfort his family. By the early 1900s the garden was full and burials stopped. As of October 2023 it was looked after by The Royal Parks charity and could be visited only on guided tours; across the Atlantic, the story starts in 1896, when a New York vet let a woman bury her dog in his apple orchard. That became Hartsdale Pet Cemetery, the first official pet cemetery in the United States; it was officially incorporated in 1914, after word spread and hundreds of pets had been buried there. A cemetery officer said, "We bury people because we have to. We bury pets because we choose to."
As of November 2026, tens of thousands of pets are buried at Hartsdale. Hartsdale holds more than dogs and cats; a lion cub was buried there in 1912, and there are headstones for reptiles, mice, monkeys, a horse and birds. According to a Voice of America report, the cremated remains of about 800 people are buried there alongside pets. Hartsdale was added to the National Register of Historic Places in 2012, and a war dog memorial there, set up in 1923, honored World War I service dogs. Inscriptions include "You taught me how to love and be loved" and "A truer friend we never had." The names on the stones changed over time; the anthropologist Stanley Brandes studied gravestones at Hartsdale. Early graves often left out the pet's species and used names like Snap or Punch; after World War II, pets more often got human names like Maggie or Oliver.
Some families plant flowers or a tree in memory of a pet, and memorial ideas include a clay paw print made by the vet, a keepsake tag on a keychain, and flowers that bloom every year; memorials do not have to be graves. A family can hold a small memorial where everyone shares stories and pictures of the pet; a memory box can hold a pet's collar, a favorite toy and photos, and a photo album or scrapbook can hold a family's favorite pictures. Keeping pictures on shelves and other keepsakes can help people remember a pet in a positive light; a pet's family can write an obituary, a short story about the pet's life. A veterinary hospital suggests writing a story, a poem, a tribute or a letter; some memorials look outward. People can honor a pet by giving to a shelter or rescue group that helps other animals, and volunteering for an animal welfare group can bring comfort after a pet's death.
To help a friend whose pet died, write down something you remember and liked about the pet and give it to them. Offering to do shopping or chores can help a grieving friend who may not have the energy; mourning also includes tears. People make three kinds of tears: basal tears that keep the eye moist, reflex tears that wash out smoke or onion fumes, and emotional tears that come with strong feelings; tears are made by a lacrimal gland above each eye. A biochemist at the University of Minnesota found that emotional tears carry 20 to 25 percent more types of protein than reflex tears; a Scientific American feature said other animals may whimper, moan and wail, but none sheds tears of emotion, not even apes. What tears do is still debated; scientists still do not fully agree on why people cry tears of emotion. One scientist guessed crying flushes out chemicals present during strong feelings; others said a good long cry produces only a thimble full of tears, too little to do that.
Emotional tears send others a strong signal that the feelings behind them are real. At Vassar College, Randolph Cornelius showed volunteers photos of crying people, with and without the tears digitally erased; people with tears were seen as feeling deeper emotions, mostly sadness. Without tears, viewers were confused about what the person felt; the body shows grief in other ways too. The muscles that make a chin quiver or put a lump in the throat when a person is upset are nearly impossible to control on purpose; it is okay to feel sad and to cry when a pet dies, and memories of a pet can bring comfort months and even years after. Getting a new pet does not make missing the old one go away, and a family can wait until it is ready; people and families believe different things about death; ask yours. Parents, a teacher, a school counselor or a vet can listen, and talking with one of them is a good place to start.
Words to know
- cemetery: burial ground
- memorial: way to remember
- obituary: life story notice
- mourning: showing grief
- keepsake: kept reminder
