Why does losing a pet hurt so much? One answer comes from numbers. In an April 2023 Pew Research Center survey of U.S. adults, 97% of pet owners said their pets are part of their family. The same survey found that 62% of Americans own a pet, and 35% have more than one. For a great many people, a pet is a member of the household, so its death is a loss in the family, and sooner or later most pet owners will face it.

A pet is there every day, as a playmate, a comfort and a loving member of the family, so when it is gone the house can feel different. The death of a family pet is often a child's first experience with death and loss. Tufts' vet school says the bond people form with pets is unique and personal, and so is the grief when they die. Scientists link one hormone to bonding: oxytocin is made in the brain and is linked to social behavior.

Start with what death is. When a pet dies, its body stops working and does not start again. A pet that has died cannot see, hear or feel anymore, and it does not need to eat or drink. Many children younger than about eight or nine find it hard to understand that death is permanent, and clear, plain words like "died" help them understand what has happened. As of November 2026, pet hamsters live about two to three years on average, so even a short life can bring a real loss.

Grief is the natural way people feel when they lose someone they love, and that includes a pet. Most people feel grief when they lose something or someone important to them, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. Grief can come in waves, so a person can feel better and then feel sad again. Some people feel guilty about what they did or did not do, and some feel ashamed to be so upset. Children sometimes wonder if they caused a pet's death, and they need to hear that they did not.

Tears are one of the body's ways of showing it. People make three kinds of tears: basal tears that keep the eye moist, reflex tears that wash out smoke or onion fumes, and emotional tears that come with strong feelings. Tears are made by a lacrimal gland above each eye. Scientists still do not fully agree on why people cry tears of emotion. What is clear is that it is okay to feel sad and to cry, and it is okay for children to see adults being sad about a pet.

Animals may feel the loss, too, though how much is a question with no full answer. It may never be known whether animals feel the loss of other animals the way people do. They do respond to the absence of a companion in what they do. Pets that live with a pet that died may eat or sleep differently or look for their missing friend, so they need extra attention and their normal routine.

There are many ways to remember a pet. A veterinary hospital suggests writing a story, a poem, a tribute or a letter. Memorial ideas include a clay paw print made by the vet, a keepsake tag on a keychain, and flowers that bloom every year. To help a friend whose pet died, write down something you remember and liked about the pet and give it to them. Sitting quietly with a friend who is crying can help, because you do not have to say something to make them feel better.

You do not have to carry this alone. Children can talk about their feelings with a grown-up, and grown-ups should listen. Telling a teacher or another grown-up at school can help them support a child who is sad about a pet. As of November 2026, vet schools such as Cornell and Tufts run pet loss support phone lines for people who lost a pet. People and families believe different things about what comes after death, so ask yours. Missing a pet is the other side of loving it.

Words to know

• oxytocin: bonding hormone
• grief: deep sadness
• guilty: feeling to blame
• keepsake: remembering object
• survey: set of questions