A pet is part of the family. When a pet dies, its body stops working and does not start again. In an April 2023 Pew Research Center survey of U.S. adults, 97% of pet owners said their pets are part of their family; the same survey found that 62% of Americans own a pet, and 35% have more than one (figures as of April 2023). About half of pet owners, 51%, said their pet is as much a part of their family as a human member; women, urban owners and lower-income owners were more likely to say so. Why do pets matter so much? The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement says pets provide companionship, comfort and a sense of purpose.
Cornell's College of Veterinary Medicine says a pet's death or illness is naturally a source of substantial grief and sadness, because pets offer love, companionship, joy and comfort. Tufts' vet school adds that the bond people form with pets is unique and personal, and so is the grief when they die, and a pet can be a playmate, a comfort and a loving member of the family. Science has started to look at what happens in the body during this bond. Oxytocin is a hormone made in the brain that is linked to social behavior and bonding. In an NIH-funded study, children had higher oxytocin when they played with their family dog than when they played alone with toys, and the dogs' oxytocin also went up. Children in the study had more oxytocin with a dog they had just met than with toys, but not as much as with their own dog.
Pets differ a great deal in how long they live. As of November 2026, medium-sized dogs live about 10 to 13 years on average, and pet hamsters live about two to three years on average. Small dogs usually live longer than big dogs; as of November 2026, small dog breeds average 10 to 15 years, and some live as long as 18 years. Sooner or later, most pet owners will face the death of a pet, and the death of a family pet is often a child's first experience with death and loss. Children may blame themselves, their parents or the vet for not saving the pet, and they need to hear that they did not cause it. Cornell's vet college says children understand death differently from adults and that adults should welcome them into the conversation, be honest, and let them ask questions.
Many people feel the same sorrow after losing a pet as after losing a person, but others may not recognize it; pets that live with a pet that died may eat or sleep differently or look for their missing friend. Losing a pet can disrupt a person's daily routines, because the animal was part of every day. When a pet is gone, the house can feel different. Friends who have never had a pet may not know how to help, or may not understand how big the loss feels, and a good way to help is to listen without judging. People and families believe different things about what death means; ask yours. Grown-ups such as parents, a teacher or a vet can listen, and talking with one of them is a good place to start.
Words to know
- oxytocin: bonding hormone
- companionship: being together
- bereavement: loss by death
- bond: close tie
