A pet is part of the family, and when a pet dies, its body stops working and does not start again. In an April 2023 Pew Research Center survey of U.S. adults, 97% of pet owners said their pets are part of their family; the same survey found that 62% of Americans own a pet and 35% have more than one, and about half of pet owners, 51%, said their pet is as much a part of their family as a human member.. Women, urban owners and lower-income owners were more likely to say so, as of April 2023. Cornell's College of Veterinary Medicine says a pet's death or illness is naturally a source of substantial grief and sadness, because pets offer love, companionship, joy and comfort.
Oxytocin is a hormone made in the brain that is linked to social behavior and bonding. The 2024 study of dogs and children came from researchers at the University of Arizona; it appeared in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology and was funded by NIH's child health institute, with extra funding from Mars Petcare. The study enrolled 55 children and their dogs, and researchers collected saliva from children and dogs before a play session, 15 minutes in, and again about 50 minutes after the first sample. Children had higher oxytocin when they played with their family dog than when they played alone with toys, and the dogs' oxytocin also went up. Children had more oxytocin with a dog they had just met than with toys, but not as much as with their own dog; the unfamiliar dog was 8 1/2 years old and chosen for a calm manner. Its oxytocin dropped while it was with the children, but family dogs' oxytocin rose.
A 2022 study in Scientific Reports surveyed 426 Italian adults who had owned two or more dogs, one of which died; owners said the surviving dog changed in playing, sleeping, eating and fearfulness. In that study the changes depended on how close the two dogs had been, and how long they had lived together made no difference; eighty-six percent of owners saw negative changes in the surviving dog, but only when the two dogs had been bonded in a friendly or parental way. The researchers said the findings show a dog may show grief-related patterns when a close companion dog dies, and that some may be linked to the owner's own mood; the data came from owner reports, so the study cannot prove what the dog feels. It may never be known whether animals feel the loss of other animals the way people do. They do respond to the absence of a companion in what they do, and pets that live with a pet that died may eat or sleep differently or look for their missing friend.
The historian Hilda Kean wrote that early public animal cemeteries copied the form of human cemeteries; in London, funerals included the dead dog's canine friends. One study of pet cemeteries described them as a safe place where people can show warm feelings toward the bond between a person and an animal, in a culture that might not take such bonds seriously. At Hartsdale, a cemetery officer said, "We bury people because we have to. We bury pets because we choose to." Stanley Brandes found that early graves often left out the pet's species and used names like Snap or Punch, and that after World War II pets more often got human names like Maggie or Oliver; he also found that gravestones shifted from words like "pet" and "friend" to "My Baby," and owners calling themselves "Mom and Dad." Since the 1980s pets have also been given their owners' family names.
Scientists still do not fully agree on why people cry tears of emotion; some researchers think crying may calm people down afterward, but studies have not settled this, because it is hard to measure real grief and crying in a laboratory. A University of Minnesota study in the 1980s of more than 300 men and women found that women cried about five times a month and men about once every four weeks. One scientist guessed crying flushes out chemicals present during strong feelings; others said a good long cry produces only a thimble full of tears, too little to do that. Emotional tears send others a strong signal that the feelings behind them are real. At Vassar College, Randolph Cornelius showed volunteers photos of crying people, with and without the tears digitally erased; people with tears were seen as feeling deeper emotions, mostly sadness.
Tufts' vet school says the bond people form with pets is unique and personal, and so is the grief when they die. Many people feel the same sorrow after losing a pet as after losing a person, but others may not recognize it, and the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement calls grief that goes unsupported disenfranchised grief. Grieving in a healthy way does not mean you forget a pet or "get over" it; it means you accept the loss and can remember the pet with less sadness, and a veterinary college says there is no "normal" timeline. A university guide says shielding children from loss can keep them from building resilience and coping skills, and that young children may need pictures or play to put feelings into words, pre-teens may avoid a topic when afraid, and teens often need time to themselves or with friends.
Help is available. Vet schools such as Cornell and Tufts run pet loss support phone lines for people who lost a pet, as of November 2026, and Cornell's Pet Loss Support Hotline, staffed by trained veterinary students, has been in operation since the mid-1990s, as of February 2025. In an RSPCA survey, 93% of parents and carers said they would have benefited from more guidance on helping children cope with pet loss, as of November 2026. A vet can help a very sick animal die peacefully, without a long time of feeling sick. Grieving a beloved pet can feel as big as grieving a person, and that is normal; a person can grieve as much or as little as they need, and for as long as they need. People and families believe different things about death; ask yours. Parents, a teacher and a vet can listen, and talking with one of them is a good place to start.
Words to know
- oxytocin: bonding hormone
- companion: close partner
- unfamiliar: not known
- disenfranchised: not recognized
- resilience: bouncing back
