Why does it hurt so much when a pet dies? Start with what a pet is. A pet is part of the family. It can be a playmate, a comfort and a loving member of the family every day. That is the bond between a person and a pet, and it is why the loss is big. Sooner or later, most pet owners will face the death of a pet.

Here is what death means. When a pet dies, its body stops working and does not start again. A pet that has died cannot see, hear or feel anymore, and it does not need to eat or drink. Plain words like "died" help children understand what has happened. Many children younger than about eight or nine find it hard to understand that death is permanent.

The feelings come next. Sadness, anger and loneliness are some of the feelings people can have when a pet dies. Grief is the natural way people feel when they lose someone they love, and that includes a pet. It is okay to feel sad and to cry.

People show grief in different ways. Each person in a family can feel and show sadness about a pet in a different way. Some children cry, some get quiet, and some seem fine at first. All of these can be normal.

Some children wonder if they caused it. They did not. When a pet dies, it is not the fault of the child.

Other animals in the home can feel the loss too. Pets that live with a pet that died may eat or sleep differently or look for their missing friend. A pet that is left behind needs extra attention and its normal routine.

Many families find ways to remember. You can look at photos and draw pictures of the pet. A memory box can hold a collar, a favorite toy and photos. Some families plant flowers or a tree. A family can hold a small memorial where everyone shares stories and pictures. Telling happy stories about a pet is a way to remember it.

People have been burying their pets in special places for a long time. In London, Hyde Park has a small pet cemetery in the garden behind Victoria Lodge, where Victorians buried their pets. A Maltese terrier named Cherry was the first dog buried there. In 1896, a New York vet let a woman bury her dog in his apple orchard. That became Hartsdale Pet Cemetery. It holds more than dogs and cats: a lion cub was buried there in 1912.

A friend may need help too. Friends who have never had a pet may not know how to help, or may not understand how big the loss feels. A good way to help a friend who is sad is to listen without judging. Talking about the pet with a sad friend can help the friend feel better. Telling a teacher or another grown-up at school can help them support a child who is sad about a pet.

Children can talk about their feelings with a grown-up, and grown-ups should listen. A parent, a teacher or another grown-up you trust is a good person to start with. People and families believe different things about what happens after death, so ask yours. A family can also take time to remember a pet before thinking about a new one. The bond was real, and so is the sadness.

Words to know

• grief: deep sadness
• bond: close tie
• memorial: remembering gathering
• cemetery: burying place
• permanent: lasting forever